Plainsong Farm
Church sign at Teresa MacBain's former congregation. http://lakejacksonumc.wordpress.com/
I know a little about how Teresa MacBain feels.
Six years ago, I too was a clergywoman with integrity problems. I had a full-time, well-compensated position as an associate minister at Fountain Street Church. It was a large (600+ ASA), historic, independent downtown congregation. When I began my ministry there in 2002, I was a Christian in the Unitarian Universalist Association.
I met my husband at Fountain Street Church. (At the time, I was a guest preacher, not his pastor.) We were married there. It was not only my job; it was our family’s church home.
But over time, I realized I had unsettling integrity problems. I had serious questions about what I was doing and why:
- Why does this congregation meet for worship on Sunday morning and celebrate Advent, Christmas and Easter, yet profess not necessarily to be a Christian church?
- How can a church authentically draw inspiration from multiple religious traditions?
- What is the source of authority for this congregation?
Eventually, like Teresa MacBain, I realized I had no answers to my most profound questions. As a pastor, I was living a lie.
Like MacBain, I needed to earn an income to meet my family’s needs. Like MacBain, I had absolutely no idea what I would do next for employment. Like MacBain, I decided my integrity was more important than my paycheck. So, like MacBain, I quit my job.
No–wait–I did not quit my job like Teresa MacBain did.
- I did not seek guidance in my departure from an online group with no stake in the lives of the real people involved.
- I did not immediately make an announcement of my repudiation of my faith in a public forum of people who would promptly use my words to serve their own agenda.
- I did not cause trauma and confusion for the people I had agreed to pastor.
I wrote a letter of resignation and presented it to the senior pastor. I included in the letter the two reasons for my resignation: I wanted more time with my young children, and I wanted to find a church which was clear about its Christian identity. He accepted my resignation. We planned a transition, and honored the ministry we had shared.
I tried hard to leave my congregation in a responsible and compassionate manner. I think I succeeded. I still care for the people of Fountain Street Church, and I believe they still care for me.
A year later, the same questions led me to leave my denomination also. I paid my own way to go to the Unitarian Universalist Minister’s Association annual gathering. I told my friends and colleagues that I had come to say goodbye. I thanked them for being mentors and friends in my spiritual journey. I told them I was grateful for a decade of ministry in the UUA, and I now needed to move to a clearly Christian church. Then I went home and wrote another letter, resigning my full and final fellowship as a Unitarian Universalist minister.
I tried hard to leave my denomination in a responsible and compassionate manner. I think I succeeded. I still care for the people of the Unitarian Universalist Association, and I believe they still care for me.
I found a job directing a non-profit. But I missed ministry. I knew I was meant for the clergy life. I didn’t know if I would ever enter it again. But I am blessed. I have been welcomed into the Episcopal Church and ordained again, this time as a priest in Christ’s one, holy, catholic and apostolic church. My personal faith matches my public ministry. My integrity issues are gone.
Teresa MacBain and I both quit ministry positions an entire way of life because we could not find peace of mind any other way. The difference between us, apart from theology, is that the method of her departure betrayed the trust of her congregation and denomination. From her description of that process, it appears that she sent a resignation letter to her Bishop and/or District Superintendent, and considered her duty done. Really? I don’t think so.
In Lake Jackson, Florida, there’s a group of Methodists whose life together will be marked by this story for a while to come. They are still worshipping God and feeding the hungry, but their “Staff” page is missing a “Clergy” role. Those pictures only disappear with no explanation when a clergy departure causes trauma.
The people of Lake Jackson UMC are now answering difficult questions in the grocery store, having painful conversations with their children and teenagers, and spending sleepless nights wondering if they should have done something more to show their pastor the love of Christ. They are doing this through no fault of their own, but because of the manner of Teresa MacBain’s departure.
I left my congregation and denomination the way I did because I trusted God. I trusted in the story of Abraham, who followed God’s call to an unfamiliar, unknown place. I prayed a lot. I tried to follow the commandment to love my neighbor as a witness to the love of Christ.
My departures were hard for me. I tried not to make them hard for the communities that honored me with their trust. If I succeeded, the glory goes to God. I couldn’t have done it on my own–as Teresa MacBain’s story makes evident.
Lake Jackson United Methodist Church, I agree: Faith in God changes everything.
* * * * *
If you were along for this journey, please say “hello” in the comments… particularly if you want to disagree or push back. And if you are a Fountain Streeter, welcome! Have I opened a can of worms with this post, even six years later?
Worth sharing?
19 Responses to Teresa MacBain and Me: Been There, Didn’t Do That
Good to meet you! I’m Nurya…
Praying Day by Day
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And these decisions you’ve made have blessed the folks at St. Andrews in a myriad of ways. Amen and Alleluia.
No can of worms here. I still miss your voice at FSC, but I’m happy that your voice and your integrity have found a home with others. Selfishly, I’m grateful for the time that our paths crossed.
I was hoping for a post like this to be born from yesterday’s NPR show.
I am glad there are no worms involved! I am also grateful for the time our paths crossed. If I ever get chickens I will be in touch
Dear Nurya,
Thank you for writing. I am so honored to hear some more of your story. Thank you for your courage, convictions, kindness and integrity. Thank you for your grace in leaving FSC. I admire you and appreciate your example.
Warmly,
Chris R. Creek
Chris,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to serve FSC and get to know you and your family!
Blessings,
Nurya
This is just a gorgeously crafted, deeply felt piece of writing. Thanks !
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for writing this! I’m an American Baptist pastor and I have been so angry at how Teresa MacBain treated her congregation. You have nailed it, all of it, and it was really refreshing to see how you walked through a similar situation with integrity and compassion. I feel like MacBain’s congregation has been made to look bad because of how *they* have treated *her*, when it seems to me that she had the opportunity to do this in a right and healthy way, and she didn’t do it. Neil Conan tried to press her on this on his show yesterday, but she seems unwilling to accept any responsibility for how poorly she handled it.
Thank you so much for writing, Stacey! I was wondering if I was the only person with these concerns. I so appreciate your comment. I am guessing that at this point she has not really reflected on how she handled it, but I imagine that when she does, in hindsight, she may have regrets.
That said, it was so scary to step into the unknown that I don’t know how I would have handled it without the presence of God as celebrated throughout 2000+ years of the Christian tradition… which of course is exactly what she is leaving behind.
thanks for this lovely post and for the mature, loving way you handled the situation; peace!
Nurya – I am a UU, but I have also had plenty of exposure to mainline Christian churches as well. I think where your situation differs from Teresa’s is that your former UU congregation is probably very accepting of different beliefs, as this is an integral component of being a UU. UU’s understand that we are all on our own path to spirituality, and we know that not everyone’s path leads to the same place. We not only accept this, we treasure this fact of individualism and draw on it to enhance our own journey. In Teresa’s case, she knew very well that her former congregation would in fact not be accepting of her choice, and would look down upon her for betraying the church. I can understand her fear and reluctance in sharing with them her decision, as I imagine she feared they would ostracize her. Could she have handled it better? She most likely could have. But claiming that your situations started off as the same is dishonest. The church from which Teresa came teaches that those who believe in ways other than the dogma of the church are damned. This is the case for any dogmatic religion. The UU church that you left (UU’s being non-creedal) teaches that we should learn from, respect and support everyone’s spiritual journey, even if it leads to a different church. These are two very different starting points.
Hi Steve,
Thanks for stating up front that you are a UU. I would encourage you to have serious conversations with some United Methodists. Your assumptions about the United Methodist Church are not valid and it is always good to learn something new! The United Methodist Church does not teach that “those who believe in ways other than the dogma of the church or damned.” Also, you might want to know that creedal churches do not automatically condemn to eternal damnation those who do not share their creed.
Speaking theologically, there is a wide variety within the United Methodist Church. Yes, there are United Methodists who are “my way or the highway to hell.” And there is Diana Eck, founder of the Pluralism Project at Harvard University, a Methodist. There is the Claremont School of Theology, a United Methodist seminary, which made a strategic decision to grow its program to educate Jewish rabbis and Muslim imams, believing that all three religions will be led best when future leaders’ spiritual development occurs in a multi faith context. This was a pioneering, radical, risk-taking (revenue-jeapordizing) move. You can read about their decision at http://www.umportal.org/article.asp?id=6914. A description of the current status of the project is at http://www.claremontlincoln.org/about/a-new-university/a-model-for-solutions/. That is also the work of the United Methodist Church. I am confident that there are United Methodists that Teresa MacBain could have turned to for support and guidance in her transition. For that matter, there are humanist UU ministers that she could have turned to as well.
I agree that there is a built-in bias in the UUA to support people’s journeys no matter where they lead. However, I would also add that I cannot count the number of times Unitarian Universalists said to me, “How can you be UU and Christian?” I would venture to say that UUs can be just as intolerant of Christians as Christians can be intolerant of atheists.
UUs may not say people are damned. But make no mistake, there were non-Christian UUs who had no problem judging my spiritual journey, both when I was baptized and when I went to serve a new Christian church in the UUA as a New Congregation Minister. The UUA is full of human beings, not angels… just like every other denomination, including the United Methodist Church (and the Episcopal Church for that matter!).
Hi Nurya. Thanks for the quick and thorough reply! I agree that a blanket statement about any congregation is bound to be inaccurate, because as you state, we’re all human! However, the official theology of the UMC is exclusionary and prescriptive regarding salvation. It is obtained ONLY through the Bible and Jesus:
• Article V—Of the Sufficiency of the Holy Scriptures for Salvation
The Holy Scripture containeth all things necessary to salvation; so that whatsoever is not read therein, nor may be proved thereby, is not to be required of any man that it should be believed as an article of faith, or be thought requisite or necessary to salvation.
• Article IX—Justification and Regeneration
We believe we are never accounted righteous before God through our works or merit, but that penitent sinners are justified or accounted righteous before God only by faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.
All Christian denominations have these basics as their base, and so are exclusionary by that fact alone. I’m sure that the people within the UMC do have widely varying beliefs. However, there are some core beliefs without which one could not be a UMC member (at least not an honest one). And as such, Teresa would have felt very uncomfortable discussing such non-beliefs with the UMC congregation. I do want to restate my agreement that Teresa could have handled the situation in a more elegant manner. However, the stigma that society places on non-believers did play a big role in how she finally went about leaving her church. My point was just to state that I don’t think your starting point and hers were the same. Not that yours wasn’t challenging!
You sound like a very kind and thoughtful person. Thanks for the post, and for writing back. Good luck in the Episcopal church!
Steve,
This is fun! Thank you for your kind words. I do agree that my starting point and Teresa’s were very different. But I am going to take exception with your understanding of the UMC doctrine. Here’s what I read when I read those doctrinal statements:
Article V: Of the Sufficiency of the Holy Scriptures… The point of this article, as I understand it, is that the Bible contains all things necessary for salvation. The purpose of this statement is to say that no other documents are to be used as a source of authority for the church. So, for example, if I wrote a document which I said had been dictated to me by the Holy Spirit and I began to require my church to confess that it was Scripture and adhere to its teachings, I would be in contradiction of this article and could be brought up on heresy charges. Personally, I think this is a good thing. You may disagree.
Article IX: Justification… The point of this article, as I understand it, is that because human beings are… well… human (error-prone, shall we say), we should not depend on our capacity to develop a perfect life of wonderful works. Instead we can put our trust in the love of a transcendent creator who is made manifest to us in the person of Jesus.
Now, I would definitely say that these articles are specific in their teachings regarding the source of authority and the nature of the divine. But does specificity necessarily mean exclusivity?
Thanks for indulging this conversation. I am sure you have more pressing things to do and I probably do also. But as I read your statement I remembered myself in about 1995 in the basement of Harvard Divinity School reading every mainline church’s doctrinal statements. The upshot of that afternoon of research was a decision that I had to stay UU because every mainline Christian church taught an exclusive version of salvation. The last 15+ years have taught me more than one way to read those doctrinal statements.
I close with a prayer adapted from an Episcopal colleague who posted it to his Facebook page on the death of Maurice Sendak today: “Lord, we pray for those whose faith is known to you alone (including those who think they have no faith at all), that, with all the saints, they may have rest in that place where there is no pain or grief, but life eternal… and that they may be surrounded by all the wonderful wild things in your eternal love.”
That prayer reflects a specific understanding of the source of authority and the nature of the divine, but not an exclusive one.
Blessings on your evening and may it be peaceful!
Thanks again for your time and thoughts. Imagine what a wonderful world it would be if more people would take the approach you have taken – engaging in two way dialog to understand each other instead of resorting to rhetoric.
We simply have different approaches to doctrine. Rather than try to fit my world views into a specific set of statements, engaging in mental gymnastics and subjective interpretations, I have chosen to become a UU and ditch the dogma all together. I feel that if I were to profess a particular doctrine as the one Truth, I’d have to concede that all who believe differently are by default, excluded. I’m happy to learn that you don’t feel that way.
This thread has diverged from the original post, but it has been fun! This will probably be my last entry here. Thanks again for the dialog, it’s been nice chatting with you!
Great post! I am both a clergywoman and a United Methodist. Without knowing very much, I know there are missing pieces to this story. You have held to the light one of the biggest missing pieces. Where is the care and compassion for the “people you love” when you choose to disclose your struggle first to people not directly effected by the struggle and jump into a media spotlight that focuses only on you?
Hi Nurya – I actually thought of your blog hearing one of the songs in worship at the Children & Youth a New Kind of Christianity conference in DC. Words about the nervous tension of putting yourself via your writing ‘out there.’
Keep the faith.
Lisa
“Nervous tension” is a perfect description for how I felt hitting “publish” on this one. Thanks so much for the words and for remembering me at CYNKC! Wish I could have been there.
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